I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
