She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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