i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We left the knife in your bed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
