Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we made out on top of his cat.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
