So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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