What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The uberlube is also flammable
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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