my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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