Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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