bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
