so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
