youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Im part way to drunk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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