Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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