he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
