my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You made out with two different species that night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
