Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
