summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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