What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
