White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
