u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
