he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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