The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
