Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
