Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
