Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
