I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
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I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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