i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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