the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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