While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
