Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
