My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
