the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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