her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
