Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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