you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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