Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
