a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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