we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize