I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
