Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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