I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
