So drunk its hurt
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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