it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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