Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
