I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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