I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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