don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
