Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
