You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
