the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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