similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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