shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
