Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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