you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
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