Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
