Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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