you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
