u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
