so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
