we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
