dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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