my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
