R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
