why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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