My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
