I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
