I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
