That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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