Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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