im six kinds of drunk right now
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will be naked everywhere
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
