i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
