I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
