Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
