So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
