Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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