i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
