My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
