Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
