how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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